by any name

xavierjones:

at first this might sound preposterous.  how could a show about attractive teenagers from Ohio who sing and dance possibly be compared to erotic films?  but if you look at how the show is presented, there are some eerie similarities.  

 

“It’s just irresponsible!” -Kelly from the Office.

1. Bad Writing

Watching the show from week to week, i’ve noticed that characters come and go, and their disappearances aren’t really explained. Coach Tanaka had some kind of psychological problem after he broke up with Miss Pillsbury, and hasn’t been the same since.  I think there was a lunch lady at some point.  and there were three characters from the first episode (Sunshine?) who never came back, and no one cares where they went.  Also, the characters change their moods and attitudes about the world from show to show.  And while i remember some emotional inequalities in my teenage years, it was not on such a large scale.  

2. Parody

It’s inevitable that a show about the preforming arts is going to have some kind of camp factor, but this show takes it to the extreme.  Every episode is a ripoff of some popular musical style or artist that runs parallel to the many remakes that porno films have created.  (think; “She’s gone in 60 Seconds”, and “Dynastud”).  Instead of creating new content, gLee relies on our love of instant nostalgia, cowing audiences with family friendly reduxes of madonna and the Rocky Horror Picture Show.  

3. High Contrast Lighting

I do not even understand how the actors in Glee are not covered in sweat 24/7.  there must be so many spotlights on these people that they have to take a walk in an industrial freezer in between takes.  I understand that we have magical computers that can create punchy colors and flashy effects, but I’m not sure my eyes can take all the bright reds and electric pinks anymore.  Please ask the FCC to issue a seizure warning.

4. Cheerleader Uniforms worn as day-wear.  

5. Fantasy interludes

Many times in porn there is a time when one of the characters has a “dream” about another, allowing those two characters to interact in a way that normally would not occur.  This happens frequently in glee, allowing different characters to overcome barriers of marriage, sexuality, and even germophobia.  

6. Objectification of the male body

Notice that all the guys in Glee seem to have perfect builds, salon hair, and only one “quirk” that makes them slightly normal and accessible.  Instead of a lot of paunchy dudes sitting around enjoying the attention of skinny actress types, the men on the show are obsessed with their appearance, making for a vulnerable lost puppy vibe in all their characters.  

7. Secret Bad Girls

For whatever reason, all the ladies on glee walk around as though at any moment, they could take on the entire lacrosse team, full on, hardcore.  Except for the cheerleaders, none of them really dress provocatively, but it as if the stage directions say “constantly pout and arch; while being sad, and distracted by your emotions.”  

8. Impossible Plot Twists

In a normal high school in Ohio (i went to one), no gay man would follow a football player into the locker room to bitch him out.  and no football player would have the crazy impulse to kiss said gay man and then punch a locker repeatedly.  high school kids do not have THIS MUCH FREE TIME.  to be honest, the above scene would not even take place, because the football team was usually too busy “no-homo”ing each other and smoking weed.  

9. Cougars

10. Extremely Horrible Acting.

As sexy ass the Glee cast can be, that’s about all they are good at.  with the exception of comedy veteran Jane Lynch, everyone looks like they are taking this show as an elective at community college.  the intense music and bad lighting doesn’t help.  The drama is too intense.  Forced even.  

Bonus:  Did you know there was “fan fiction” about Glee?  I didn’t until recently.  which is just scary.  

This is important enough to be said twice.